top of page do you build self-esteem, really?

It’s one thing to say you need self-esteem to be successful. It’s another to to actually know how to get it. You’re smart. You know self-esteem is important. But the question is - how do I actually build it? How do I take steps today to drive meaningful change in my own self-esteem?

There are lots of ways to build your self-esteem. Let’s talk about a few strategies that have worked with me over the years:

Identify what you’re telling yourself. We are what we think about ourselves. Remember, your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters. Step one is to understand what you think of yourself first and foremost.

Once you have identified what you’re telling yourself, start to replace any negative beliefs with positive ones:

  • Listen to your soundtrack. When you find yourself talking to yourself with negative thoughts, listen to it. Replace the negative words with the positive ones. For example, any time you tell yourself you can’t do something, replace the word ‘can’t’ with ‘can’.

  • Think differently. If you find yourself immediately going to a negative place around yourself or capabilities, start to train your bran to think differently about you. One simple tactic - start your day with something great about yourself. Say it. Write it. Be it.

Inventory what you’re consuming and your own stock.

You have more capability than you likely give yourself credit for. The problem is you haven’t taken a stock of the outside factors or inside qualities that make you more than what you believe. A couple of simple action steps:

  • Take an inventory of what you’re consuming. Pay attention to the places, people, things, and/or experiences that make you not feel as great (including social media and other media resources). Replace these things or get rid of them. Yes, I said it. This will mean you have to rid people of your life that impact your well-being.

  • Take stock of your capabilities. When was the last time you actually sat with yourself and wrote down the great things that you bring to the table? When I interact or engage with women seeking advice on how to build their esteem - they have never even thought about why they’re great in the first place. Give it a try!

Own your success

This is simple. Before you dismiss what you accomplish as the result of someone else or “chance”… take credit. Own your accomplishments.

Do social media with intention.

As with all things there is good and bad to everything. The same is true with social media. We are in an era, more than ever, of comparison. A couple things here:

  • Identify connections on social media that raise you up and bring your joy. Identify connections that add value to your life. If it’s not serving you in a positive way - get rid of it!

  • Limit your time with social media. Scrolling the lives of others, can limit the time you live in your own. Something to do here is to set a time schedule of social media or delete the apps on certain days. Make it harder to access and you’ll spend less time on it.

Taking care of self is not selfish, it’s imperative.

The best you is a happy and healthy you. Taking time out of your day to focus on things that enable the best you, allows you to bring the best to other people.

As I share all of these, it is important to say - I fall often. I don’t do all of these perfectly or especially well. But the reason I share them is because I know that they work. When I fall off the wagon, I try to remember these and come back to them. So bookmark this. Screenshot it. Write them down. I can promise you that practicing these consistently or reminding yourself of these strategies when you’re feeling low can help you get your esteem back on track.


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